Dear Chiang Mai...
Just a girl counting her final hours in her favourite city
There’s something quintessentially poetic about writing about a place where you’re still present.
Instead of what I do always - move out of a certain place, get nostalgic about it, and then pour down all my emotions on my keyboard and here on Substack.
But this time will be different.
It is 10:36 am, the day is Friday, 10th October.
This is my last day in Chiang Mai.
Today is the second last day of my 1.5 months trip in Thailand and my 4 weeks stay in this beautiful Northern Thai City.
I still cannot believe that this trip actually happened. It is special for so many reasons. If I talk about the trip to Thailand all in all, it is special because I got to bring my youngest sister with me. While it is my second time here and by now I have gotten my fair share of experiences around the ASEAN region, it was my sister’s first time and I experienced newly through her experiences. She is like my child, and it meant so much to me that we could do this together. A trip to Thailand cannot be compared to any other trip, I believe.
Now, if I want to talk about why this Chiang Mai stay means so much to me, I need to trace back to two years ago. That is when my first trip to Thailand happened. Thanks to a very well-planning friend, we planned to squeeze in two days at Chiang Mai in our 9-day itinerary. And I guess I’ll remain forever grateful to her for making me come to this place. The two days were happening and then again not so happening. But the city had a mesmerizing effect on me. It felt as if I belonged here more than I belonged in my own country and city. It might feel really dramatic to hear all that coming from someone who didn’t even get to experience much. But this feeling is like those intuitions and gut feelings - that you cannot just shrug off.
The city kept on calling me for the next 24 months. And so much happened in between. I transitioned into a totally new life, shed my old self, and so much more. But the calling never went away - it just became a lot more silent and yet so intense. And then finally the opportunity came.
Initially, our plan was to stay here only 3 weeks and then spend the rest of the time exploring some unexplored parts of the country. But thanks to my husband’s insistence (or should I say laziness), we decided to spend the entirety of our trip in this place. And what a good decision it was!
We stayed at an Airbnb in a very local Muslim neighbourhood by the side of the Ping River. Our place was surrounded by small shacks of local Muslim businesses, predominantly run by the females of the families. I had the opportunity to get close to a few of them - thanks to being a repeat purchaser of their Thai sausages, rice, and grilled chicken. I got to know that their forefathers came to this country from Bangladesh hundreds of years ago. Some of those families looked like illegal immigrants who came from Myanmar. But all of them are minding their own business and making an honest living.
There’s this uncle who knows I like the chewy sausages he sells and gave us extra rice for the portion of 1 because he knew we would be sharing. There’s another uncle who gave us a discount on his grilled chickens because we became his repeat customer. There’s this grandmother whose grandparents migrated from Bangladesh to this country - she made sure that whenever we had Khao Soi at her place, we get the best pieces of beef. There’s this auntie working at the same store, so beautiful in her most ordinary and ragged clothes and yet so organized - she made sure my husband and I knew which cutlery to use for what. There’s another uncle who gave me extra pickles with the braised beef that we bought to have with the khichuri that I would cook at the bnb.
And then there are the cafes. There’s this cafe right beside our hotel that harbours 16 cats! Each is so different from the others, yet all remind me of my cats back at home. There’s this black and orange one that loves pouncing on other calm ones. And there’s this ginger Persian that loves sitting by the river (yes, the cafe is just beside the river) to catch insects and worms. And then there’s this grey and black one with pancake ass that doesn’t like much touch! Two roads away from the B&B, there’s another cafe that has a Shepsky that loves my pat but doesn’t trust my husband.
Because I usually get lazy during such trips (I can say that from my past experiences) so this time, to keep me on my toes, I got enrolled in a yoga school. This has to be one of my best decisions this year. I met some amazing women who restored my faith in my own ability. They not only boosted my confidence but also supported me throughout my journey. I attended my first session as a total noob and ended my tenth session as someone who might not be the most flexible and the best yogini, but is a more confident, positive, and intuitive woman. After my close circle, I experienced womanhood in this place. I felt what it truly means to be a girl’s girl. I learned a lot and much more than how to do yoga here. And I’ll carry on these learnings with me Insha Allah, throughout my life.
Right now I am sitting at a cafe in one of the non-touristy places of Old Town. I’m sipping one of the best coffees of this trip and vomiting out all the words and emotions that I can find in my mind now. Yet, there’s so much untold and unwritten about this trip. But if I had to just name that one feeling that is clouding my mind now, it’d be gratefulness towards Allah. He knows how much I needed this break. I feel that the fact that I don’t have a job right now is also His very intentional doing to help me heal. I even feel that my relationship with my husband has gotten so much better here. We have reached a new level of understanding - it isn’t like we didn’t have any argument or conflict in this trip at all. But what we had was patience for each other and knowing what’s most important to each other, which is us. Dhaka life is difficult for me for so many reasons - some I have shared here before, and some maybe I can never share with anyone. But I hope all this healing that happened here helps to make my life there easier. I don’t expect any magic; I want stability, balance, and positivity.
My brain feels fuzzy. I’ll stop right now. But after going back to Dhaka, when I feel nostalgic and would like to revive the feeling of being in Chiang Mai, I’ll read this piece.
This city will keep on calling me. And if fate allows, someday it’ll be my forever home.
